there's something wrong with me. my gut clenches up, my throat closes, i lose words and thoughts and touch. i feel tired, and tried.
i really need somebody to talk to, but most of the time, i listen. i feel as if i'm too selfish, too focused on my own problems. i try to open up to my closest friends, but i can't find the right words to say, and i stop in midconversation to say, "i'll talk to you later" and then not bring up the subject again. for days afterwards, i'll try to talk to them about other things, and inside, i feel as if they're judging me either for talking or not talking. i just can't win.
and my mother, my mother.