Why are we all so obsessed with clothes?
Am I the only one browsing vintage eBay stores and fashion blogs late into the night when I should be, in fact, fast asleep with sugarplum dreams in my head?
Have you cried because you couldn't afford an item of clothing that you know would complete your life?
It's just me, isn't it.
Why am I so obsessed with clothing?
This can't be healthy.
Maybe it's because of my childhood, the way I was raised (but should I be blaming everything on nurture? what about nature?), because I never could get what I want, not because I wasn't loved, but because of financial difficulties (which should be better than deprivation of love, shouldn't it, but it isn't). Mommy and daddy asking to borrow small amounts of money, asking to "take care" of Christmas cash and New Year's allowance, and then never seeing a bill or coin again. Working minimum wage from the age of 14, spending earnings on a new "want", coming home to be reprimanded, and then seeing stacks of unworn clothing hidden in my closet, in front of my closet, beneath my bed for months afterwards. Secondhand clothing I pass off as "new" because people think I can afford "new" when I really can't. Living off sales and clearance racks, shamelessly, this is who I am.
Thrift stores -- I'll spend $100 in thrift stores without a second thought, because hey I'm saving money in the long run, aren't I? I don't shop there to be unique, I shop there to save money in the long run. I don't think about the long run anytime else, only when it comes to clothing.
It's time to clean out my closet.
I can't sleep, and this is really due to a bunch of other things, not only to unworn clothing and shopper's regret. I'm scared and anxious, I don't really know why. I really want to go have a smoke but it's super late and I'm already washed up for bed. I have to write 2 papers by Wednesday afternoon but I can't start yet. All I want is a smoke and then to sing aloud to a couple of my favourite songs and then fall fast asleep and not wake up 'til morning.
What is this, oh my God. I don't want to stay a little girl forever. Can I just grow up please, now. Kthx.
(I also attribute my obsessions to the ever-growing Internet... I HATE YOU INTERNET, but I also love you.)
(I need to save money... and at the same time acquire a pair of flat-heeled boots and a plaid maxi skirt... and other miscellaneous curios that I would like to just hold in my hands and say to myself, "Yes these are mine and I am going to wear them one day. One day.")
Still disillusioned and enamoured with commercialism,