4/3/12

late-night obsession

Why are we all so obsessed with clothes?

Am I the only one browsing vintage eBay stores and fashion blogs late into the night when I should be, in fact, fast asleep with sugarplum dreams in my head?

Have you cried because you couldn't afford an item of clothing that you know would complete your life?

It's just me, isn't it.

Why am I so obsessed with clothing?

This can't be healthy.

Maybe it's because of my childhood, the way I was raised (but should I be blaming everything on nurture? what about nature?), because I never could get what I want, not because I wasn't loved, but because of financial difficulties (which should be better than deprivation of love, shouldn't it, but it isn't). Mommy and daddy asking to borrow small amounts of money, asking to "take care" of Christmas cash and New Year's allowance, and then never seeing a bill or coin again. Working minimum wage from the age of 14, spending earnings on a new "want", coming home to be reprimanded, and then seeing stacks of unworn clothing hidden in my closet, in front of my closet, beneath my bed for months afterwards. Secondhand clothing I pass off as "new" because people think I can afford "new" when I really can't. Living off sales and clearance racks, shamelessly, this is who I am.

Thrift stores -- I'll spend $100 in thrift stores without a second thought, because hey I'm saving money in the long run, aren't I? I don't shop there to be unique, I shop there to save money in the long run. I don't think about the long run anytime else, only when it comes to clothing.

It's time to clean out my closet.

I can't sleep, and this is really due to a bunch of other things, not only to unworn clothing and shopper's regret. I'm scared and anxious, I don't really know why. I really want to go have a smoke but it's super late and I'm already washed up for bed. I have to write 2 papers by Wednesday afternoon but I can't start yet. All I want is a smoke and then to sing aloud to a couple of my favourite songs and then fall fast asleep and not wake up 'til morning.

What is this, oh my God. I don't want to stay a little girl forever. Can I just grow up please, now. Kthx.

(I also attribute my obsessions to the ever-growing Internet... I HATE YOU INTERNET, but I also love you.)

(I need to save money... and at the same time acquire a pair of flat-heeled boots and a plaid maxi skirt... and other miscellaneous curios that I would like to just hold in my hands and say to myself, "Yes these are mine and I am going to wear them one day. One day.")
DRESS, FLORAL HEADBAND, SHOES secondhand/gifted $2-$8 / CARDIGAN thrifted $6 / SOCKS American Apparel $20


Still disillusioned and enamoured with commercialism,

7 comments:

  1. your hair is actually amazinggg! and i love the shirt, the colours are adorable :)

    athannahfashion.blogspot.com

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  2. I think we all go through this... I often find myself lying awake at night, dreaming of the perfect outfit that I could put together if I just had one more piece... I know exactly where you're coming from.

    Love your hair, it's just stunning!
    xox,
    Cee
    http://cocoandvera.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. Cute outfit. You're not alone in your desire for more more more. And it's not wrong to want for more. If we were perfectly content and want for nothing, then we'd be bored and probably boring. At least we have something to work towards! Besides, you can take in the comfort that what you own now comes from your own labour and time. I wish I could say the same. Buying anything at the moment feeds the monster of guilt inside me. I'm not earning any money and everything I have, I have because my parents choose to give up what they want so I can have mine. Sometimes the guilt is overwhelming, but I buy and buy and buy, telling myself that it's okay because I got it on sale and that I am saving money in the long run. Bullshit. Whatevers. When I grow up and get a job, I'll buy to my heart's content, and even then I'll probably still want more. But that's okay, because it'll be on my own dime. My parents will be able to spend their money on themselves (kay probably on my little sister...) and I can stop feeling guilty. Maybe.

    so rambly. Good luck on both of our papers! I'm 200 words in my 3000 word paper. I'm an atheist rambling about the importance of God on my own choice. FML. grasping at straws.

    mad love,
    Haruka

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  4. Oh darling... there is no such thing as obsessed to clothes, we just appreciate, wanna take them home, give them shelter and showing them around... :)))
    http://sepatuholig.blogspot.com/

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  5. Wow, I love the last picture! You look amazing! Cute outfit! :)

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  6. I think you're just an aesthete and need to be surrounded by beautiful things! I'm the same way too. I don't really see it as a moral failing, although sometimes I feel guilty for buying too much in one month because I don't have time for a job and I'm therefore using my mom's money (even though she's not poor or anything).

    I find it helps to go through everything and rediscover items that you doubtlessly forgot about, or find new ways to wear the items you have. you could also self-impose a shopping ban, like "I'm not going to buy any more clothes until the end of the school year," or instate a "one in one out" rule. the rule that I have is that I can only buy something if it's under $20, unless it's a necessity that I absolutely need right at this moment and it can't be found for cheaper. also, I'm not allowed to buy "cheap and cheerful" kind of clothes; it has to be something I know I will wear until it falls apart, or a vintage piece that is timelessly awesome. I'm also not allowed to buy shoes anymore (except for one pair of necessary shoes that I'm awaiting the chance to buy) because I have like, 20 pairs, and I don't even wear most of them that much, I just like looking at them!

    by the way, that cardigan you have on is absolutely stunning. the best things come from the thrift store right?

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